Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
