no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
