Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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