Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
