Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
