also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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