I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
