when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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