go do what you do best...puke behind churches
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
