I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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