I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
then he tried to convert me to islam
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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