Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Are we still banned from the library?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
