Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
