suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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