where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
