She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He better not be in your backpack
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
