We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
