Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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