He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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