While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
