How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
