You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
