i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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