I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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