didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
