I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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