Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize