I need to stop coming to work sober
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
