Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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