Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
