tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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