I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
