its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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