I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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