Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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