eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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