you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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