The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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