I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
