just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
