My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
