Swine flu. Run for my life!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
