Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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