wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
