he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
