Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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