wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
