Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
dude. I can hear the air.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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