Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
