i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
