is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize