She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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