I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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