Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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