Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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