This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Randomize