im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
