Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
