I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
