i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
