Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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