I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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