So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
time to smoke my breakfast
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
