I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
