At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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