I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
