this boner is exhausting
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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