Swine flu. Run for my life!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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