Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Randomize