He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
