She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
