If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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