he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
