I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
