I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize